Why Texas A&M Will Beat Miami

What you have here is a clash of cultures:

Cubans vs. Mexicans

Fancy vs. Hard Working

Jews vs Christians

Small vs Large

Criminal vs Patriotic

Miami vs. Texas A&M

It’s hard to understand why Miami became a football power. It is a small private Jewish college located in the middle of Scarface land. I’ve never met anyone that personally attended school there. Frankly, I’m not sure Miami alumni even exist. A football power that plays in a half empty stadium in a state supposedly known to be football crazy is unheard of around these parts. I’m convinced Miami is like the University of Phoenix for rich kids. You’re a Miami student and you don’t want to do your work? Daddy will hire a tutor to do it for you. You have a friend that went to Florida and you want a football team, too? Daddy will buy you a football team.

Apparently, the once great Howard Schnellenberger was given free range to create a football team. He wasn’t dealing with a normal university, though. He was dealing with something different, he was asked to do something that outside of Los Angeles had never been done before. He was asked to build a football team with players that didn’t even need to be associated with the University.

Preston, from New York, said, “Sure, my daughter wanted to go to football games. She had some friends from her elite private high school go to state schools. They told her it was fun to go to football games. I didn’t want my daughter to miss out on any of that. Of course, I wouldn’t want one of those football players to be in any of her classes or live close to her. That’s ungodly.”

So, Preston (not his real name) and a few others opened their checkbooks and created what amounted to a professional football team of young men. They would show up to games in combat gear. They called themselves the “U” because they really weren’t part of Miami. They broke laws, and the Prestons would look the other way. “Frankly, my daughter was happy. She never went to any games, though. I didn’t like her going to the Orange Bowl. But she would tell people she went to school at Miami and they didn’t think she was in Ohio.”

Jimmy Johnson, who has been seen in College Station as recently as 2002 looking at real estate, ran the program just like he ran the Dallas Cowboys a few years later. Miami had an impressive run, but a string of coaching changes and the waking up of the Florida Gators has stung Miami in a bad way. People now realize they were a fad, a flash in the pan, just an idea that had run its course and these days would be highly unacceptable in the eyes of prep school parents. A monster was created, but the monster is almost dead.

Meanwhile, in College Station, a bunch of farmers really like football. They haven’t had much to cheer about, but most think Jesus was something special, and most are due for a break. After hurricane Ike plowed through Galveston and Houston, Jesus owes Aggies a break and, frankly, I don’t think Jesus is too high on the Prestons of the world.

Texas A&M 31

Miami 10



7 comments on “Why Texas A&M Will Beat Miami

  1. You racist fu*K! Go to hell, you hillbilly, trailer trash hick! Your post does not conjure one solid thought. I guess that is why you failed your classes at Aggieland. First and foremost, handball aka “football” is fixed so don’t waste your time. It does not matter who wins because at end of the day those in charge are the winners.

    Get a life mate

  2. 31-10 A&M? What A&M team are you watching? Miami is favored by 3, and if the same Ags show up as the last two games, it could be over by halftime. I don’t think you can count on Miami giving up the ball 4 times.

    Miami 38
    A&M 14

    And I hope Rico will be there.

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