Tuesday’s Tenuously-Titled Tailgate Tasting

Army Review

Ag Bro brought by a number of authentic veal/pork brats.  His sausage tasted heavenly.

In all seriousness, the bratwurst was fan-slappin’-tastic.  After poaching in the beer/onion mixture, they browned up PERFECTLY after direct grilling.  Perfect example of great ingredients making a drunken, peyote-addled cook look adequate.

Kansas State: Bill Snyder Sliders

Ingredients:

3 lbs. of your favorite ground beef
1 lb. regular breakfast sausage
3 inch rolls
2 jalepenos seeded and diced
Olive Oil
Worcestershire sauce
Cajun/Creole seasoning (warning: Tony’s has too much salt)
Freshly Ground Black Pepper

I was tempted to go with some sort of Pacific Island themed dish here, given KSU’s penchant for Tongan JUCOs, but after watching the locals get rough in Blue Crush, I have a crippling fear of anyone from that area of the world.  Instead, I went with the old-fashioned, American Slider.

Here’s a little secret about sliders….they’re just fucking burgers.  In fact, I think the term “sliders” is pretty gay.  If I had to venture, inclusion of sliders onto Bennigan’s menu led to the downfall of that establishment.  Turkey O’Toole, we hardly knew ye.  Honestly, if you want to go ahead and just make a regular burger, do it.  I’ll likely hold you in higher regard.

Mix the ground beef and sausage together.  Don’t overwork the meat (hee hee), but you still want to incorporate everything together.  I make a damn tasty burger, and the 3:1 beef to sausage ratio is reallly what makes it happen.

Afterwards, toss in the jalepenos, a couple of tablespoons of olive oil, 3-4 tablespoons of worcestershire, a tablespoon of creole seasoning (bam), and a couple of pinches of salt.  Just use your judgment on the seasonings.  It’s pretty hard to overseason a burger, so keep your burger hand strong, young blood.  The fat content of the beef will determine the amount of olive oil you put in.  The leaner the meat, the more oil you need (hee hee).  You’ll want to put in enough worcestershire for the patty to feel pretty damn moist.  The quickest way to fuck up a burger is to dry that sumbitch out.

Form the meat into patties.  If they’re slider size, grill them over direct high heat for 7-8 minutes, flipping halfway through.  For regular size burgers, grill for 8-10, flipping halfway.  DO NOT JACK AROUND WITH YOUR PATTIES ONCE THEY’RE ON THE GRILL.  Put them on the heat, flip them once and take them off.  Period.  Don’t monkey around with them.  Don’t press down on them, you dullard.  I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but you know who you are.

Serve on toasted rolls/buns.  Have lettuce, ketchup (no catsup), mustard, mayo and cheese available, if you wish.

KP

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