Breaking News – Leach Out and Dykes in at Tech

HSJ has learned that Mike Leach will be let go from his position as head coach of the Texas Tech Red Raider football team as early as next Tuesday. Leach, who is presently working without a contract, has been unable to come to terms with Texas Tech on a number of items, including buyout clauses and compensation in case he is let go.

The Texas Tech board of regents is meeting this Friday and will reportedly fire Leach and hire Sonny Dykes as the new coach of the Texas Tech football team. Art Briles is also a candidate for the job, and semi-credible sources in Waco say he would leave for Tech in a heartbeat, but Dykes seems to be the favored candidate of Texas Tech board of Regents.

When asked about the chances of Dykes being named the head coach of Texas Tech next week, a source close to Dykes said, “Sonny is not roadkill. He’s a buzzard. If something dies, he’s ready to pounce on it.”

Dykes himself denied the rumors, then added, “You’d think I was as dumb as a dog chewin’ on lead pipe when I had two bones back behind the barn if you’d think I’d turn down the job. Right now, Mike is the coach. If something were to change, sure, I’d go to the trough for a drink. I ain’t dumb.”

An unnamed source close to the board of regents had this to say about Leach: “Sure, he’s won us a bunch of games. But he ain’t one of us. If he were to get hit by a meteorite or get laser beamed by a UFO, he’d be gettin’ what he deserves. He don’t fit in here. Sonny is the man. Art would be nice, too, but Sonny is the one we want down here.”

While a lot of Texas Tech football fans appreciate the success of the football team under Leach, the old guard resented his abrasive attitude, constant drinking away from the old guard, and ridiculous comments when interviewed on a national stage.

“Spike Dykes, he would tell some funny stories and make some good jokes,” said another source close to one of the regents. “Mike, well, he drinks a lot, but not with us. And he tells funny stories, but we don’t think they’re funny.” The man went on to say that Leach had a good team last year, but all they really want to do at Tech is beat Texas A&M once every four of five years.

Leach had the Red Raider football team ranked in the top five last year before an embarrassing loss to Oklahoma on national television. “That loss, it hurt us. We don’t usually play in games like that. We don’t want to play in games like that if we’s gonna get raped like a tied up goat,” said a regent on the condition of anonymity. “Mike did a lot of things right, but he is a fucking son of bitch. If he wasn’t my coach, I’d lock him in one of them portable johns and leave him outside Idalou all summer long.”

Mike Leach was unavailable for comment.

HSJ will continue to track this story.


2 comments on “Breaking News – Leach Out and Dykes in at Tech

  1. They finally got it done. Myers really wanted to move on, but it looks like he got relegated to the kids’ table.

    You have to think that Tech will be looking for a new AD in the coming months.

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