Louisville vs Nobody – I’m taking Papa John’s in big way. How can you lose to nobody?
Ohio State vs Siena – I really hope Ohio State wins this. The day they let foreign teams compete for the NCAA championship was the day they should have started paying players legally. Siena is probably a nice city and all, but I hope they get the boot from this tournament like all other Italian teams. This tournament should be for American institutions of higher learning.
Utah vs Arizona – Arizona should not have made the tournament. They had a mediocre year and finished something like .500 in a weak Pac 10. However, they will beat Utah. No team from Utah should ever win an NCAA tournament game.
Wake Forest vs Cleveland State – This is an interesting battle. You have a school named for a city over a hundred miles away playing a team that is named after a city with the word state after it. Since Cleveland is a dying city, I’ll take Wake Forest in this matchup, no matter how unstable that is.
Kansas vs North Dakota State – Kansas. The bison will become extinct before the second half begins.
West Virginia vs Dayton – Another school named after an Ohio city will see their season end in the first round. The West Virginia fans won’t be excited enough to burn Dayton’s furniture. That will come later in the tournament.
Boston College vs Southern Cal – Boston College always seems to do better than their seeding would suggest they should do. Not this year. The continued weakening of the Boston Diocese will succumb to Pete Carroll’s Trojans.
Michigan State vs Robert Morris – I’ll take state. One man does not a team make, so Robert Morris is screwed.
Connecticut vs Chattanooga – As much as I’d like to pick Chattanooga in this game, I think Connecticut has too many athletes. UCONN will live to play one more game.
BYU vs Texas A&M – Again, teams from Utah shouldn’t be in this thing. Give me the Aggies.
Purdue vs Northern Iowa – Purdue looks to have peaked too early. Is Northern Iowa in a conference? I think the Boilermakers will squeak by, but they are in serious trouble.
Washington vs Mississippi State – Washington will win this. The SEC is historically overrated in football and basketball. There’s no way a lower seeded SEC team will win a game in this tournament.
Marquette vs Utah State – No team in Utah should be in this tournament. Give me Marquette in a big way.
Mizzou vs Cornell – Cornell might have a chance if there was no such thing as the shot clock. The Tigers take this one going away.
California vs Maryland – This is a cross country contest that might be interesting. Maryland is kind of an afterthought and Cal’s students live in trees because they hate sports so much. Give me Cal, because the PAC 10 seems better than the ACC this year.
Memphis vs Cal State Northridge – Memphis. Cal State Northridge is one of those schools that probably is worse than every team in the NIT field.
Pittsburgh vs East Tennessee State – Pittsburgh is overrated, but they will destroy the Buccaneers.
Oklahoma State vs Tennessee – Again, no lower seeded SEC team will win a game in this tournament. The Suttons will win this going away, and there will be plenty of cause to celebrate heavily.
Florida State vs Wisconsin – Wisconsin is the better team, but Florida State will win.
Xavier vs Portland State – Good luck finding this game on television. Xavier should win, but this is the nobody cares matchup of the first round.
UCLA vs VCU – Some states do some weird things. Louisiana doesn’t have counties. Virginia calls itself a commonwealth. UCLA wins this game.
Villanova vs American – Obviously, as an American, I’m pulling for American. ‘Nova (no go in Spanish) will win this game.
Texas vs Minnesota – Rick Barnes has already started whining. Give me the Golden Gophers. That new football stadium has everyone excited.
Duke vs Binghamton – I doubt coach K will lose this game. The Blue Devils will absolutely murder the Bearcats.
North Carolina vs Radford – This game probably should be forfeited. The Tar Heels reap the rewards of the sleaziness of Roy Williams.
LSU vs Butler – LSU swept through the SEC in the regular season, but Butler will take care of LSU and advance in a slight upset.
Illinois vs Western Kentucky – UPSET SPECIAL – The best team in Kentucky will upset the Illini.
Gonzaga vs Akron – The Zips shouldn’t be taken lightly. They keep it close, but Gonzaga is just too lucky to lose this game.
Arizona State vs Temple – The Sun Devils will make their PAC 10 brothers happy as the PAC 10 continues to win these first round games.
Syracuse vs Stephen F. Austin – UPSET SPECIAL – The Lumberjacks take down the Orange.
Clemson vs Michigan – I’m really shocked Michigan made it this far. Clemson ends Michigan’s season in an ugly game.
Oklahoma vs Morgan State – Oklahoma without Blake Griffin is an average team. Morgan State is an average team. Oklahoma with Blake Griffin will beat Morgan State.