BCS Geographical Determinism Conversation Formula

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and you started thinking that the conversation was taking too long?

You say something like, “Yes, it’s a little too early in the spring to spread the Scott’s Bonus S according to the directions, but we’ve had a really warm winter so I’m going to go ahead put it out there to get a head start on those weeds.”

The person you’re talking then pauses for a while and says something like, “Scott’s Bonus S. Yes. It may be too early or not.”

While you’re listening to this person you start to believe that he has no idea what you’re talking about, or he’s just sort of understanding a little and he’s having to think really hard to stay on your intellectual level.

There’s a mathematical formula that can explain that. It’s called the BCS Geographical Determinism Conversation Formula. This formula calculates how long a conversation should last between two graduates of BCS schools.

Here are your variables:

y=Length of conversation between two average graduates of BCS schools
a=School Multiplier of person A
b=School Multiplier of person B
z=Geographic location of the conversation

(note – for our purposes here, we are not going to introduce z, which simply takes into account that people in certain parts of the country talk faster.)

The final formula is as follows:

[(a)(y) + (b)(y)]/2 = x

Let’s say our computer tells us that a conversation should take one minute. We feed in the value of 1 for Y, then find the value of a and b per the following chart. For the sake of brevity, I’m just including Big 12 schools in my example:

Colorado = .90
Nebraska = 1.1
Kansas State = 1.2
Kansas = 1.25
Iowa State = 0.89
Mizzou = 0.91
Baylor = 1.05
Oklahoma = 1.30
Oklahoma State = 2.5
Texas = 1
Texas A&M = .75
Texas Tech = ?*

So, for our example, if two OSU grads were having the conversation, we’d have this scenario:

[(a)(y) + (b)(y)]/2 = x

or

[(2.5)(1) + (2.5)(1)]/2 = 2.5 minutes

So, it takes two Oklahoma State graduates 2.5 minutes to have that conversation.

If two Texas Aggies were having the same conversation, it would take this long:

[(0.75)(1) + (0.75)(1)]/2 = 0.75 minutes or 45 seconds

——————————————————————-
* Our research scientists were unable to complete a conversation with any Texas Tech graduates, so that data is unavailable.

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