Over the years, we at HSJ have had to communicate with Texas Tech graduates or students from time to time. Here are a few of our favorite quotes from our friends in Lubbock:
“I didn’t know I could get an STD from a virgin.”
“Apparently, our school got discredited. Half of the classes I took didn’t count toward my degree because some college people said they were too easy.”
“Would you like red pepper and parmesan cheese with that pizza?”
“Tubs is a better coach than Leach because he raised money for a building.”
“Lubbock is a lot of fun.”
“Sheryl Swoopes is the greatest athlete ever.”
“My favorite part of football games is tearing the seats out of the stadium and throwing those round breads into the crowd.”
“I’m secreting this green stuff.”
“I have some friends that went to Texas A&M and they seem to have really good jobs.”
“The game isn’t on TV this weekend so I’ll have to go to a sports bar to see it.”
In high school, we all knew the kids that went to Texas Tech. They were in the bottom half of the class. Most of them didn’t want to go to college or didn’t really know what college was for, but their parents made them go. They were idiots or borderline mentally retarded. But, and this is a credit to Texas Tech, they found a home with people just like them and flourished in a cesspool of idiocy striving for mediocrity. Texas Tech is a great place for students unprepared for college to go to to get STD’s. Texas Tech also helps the semi-retarded to mate with others that are lacking in basic brain functions. Domino’s Pizza recruits heavily in Lubbock and Tech students help fill a void in the pizza delivery industry.
Recently, HSJ caught up with Mike Leach, the former football coach at Texas Tech. Leach was fired two days before he was scheduled to receive a huge bonus. Tech fired Leach because Craig James told them to fire Leach, but Leach is now suing Tech for his firing. Leach will win this case. We asked Leach numerous questions about his legal battle, but he couldn’t answer because of the pending legislation. He was very honest on variety of other topics, however.
HSJ: Do you miss coaching at Texas Tech?
Leach: I miss coaching. Sure I miss coaching. I miss some of my players out there. But, no, I don’t miss coaching at Texas Tech.
HSJ: What do you think about Tommy Tuberville?
Leach: Well, he’s probably a nice guy. I don’t really know him that well. I shook hands with him at a coaching convention one time. He was sweaty.
HSJ: What about his coaching ability?
Leach: I don’t want to say anything bad about the guy, but he lost to Iowa State. He got killed by Iowa State. I don’t know what else you could say.
HSJ: If you had been coaching that game, would you have lost to Iowa State?
Leach: No. Well, you never know, but I would say no. No. There’s no way I would have lost to Iowa State.
HSJ: What are the Red Raiders chances of beating Texas A&M this weekend?
Leach: If you can’t beat Iowa State, can you beat Texas A&M? The thing about Texas A&M is that they are a lot smarter that Texas Tech. We had some success against them when I was the coach, but I don’t think that will continue. Tubbs will try to line up and overpower them, and that won’t work. When you are inferior to your opponent, you need to use gimmicks to win, and Tubs doesn’t believe in gimmicks so he is going to lose.
HSJ: Do you see yourself getting back into the coaching ranks next year?
Leach: I’m having a good time doing some color commentary right now. I might take the Colorado job or something like that if I can survive the interview process. We’ll have to see. Never say always.
HSJ: How would you describe your time in Lubbock?
Leach: It was different from Norman. In Norman, you know, everything was handed to you. I was just a coordinator, but things were cool. In Lubbock, I had trouble getting stamps and I had to drive a long way for booze and people were just stupid. Lubbock was a shithole, but I enjoyed a few moments there. The difference was that in Norman everyone supported the Sooners. In Lubbock, most of the college people went to Texas Tech, but all the business owners and CEO’s and decision makers went to other schools. Those people wouldn’t help us out.
HSJ: I know you have to leave, coach, but one last question: What was your favorite moment at Texas Tech?
Leach: Well, there were a lot, and that’s only because I drank a shitload. I really shouldn’t talk about most of them. But, one time, I went hunting with Bob Knight, and he shot a couple of Tech students that were on his deer lease. It was the funniest thing. He went up and yelled at them then we dropped them off at the hospital. I don’t think they ever told on us because they thought they would get in trouble. That was nice.
HSJ: Thanks Coach Leach
Leach: Thank you guys. I hope you beat Tech this weekend. I really hate them.