Deathburger’s Texas A&M vs Baylor Preview

Texas A&M will win this game by three touchdowns.

The next week, the Aggies will host the front running overrated Cornhuskers from Nebraska in a game that will draw national attention. The College Gameday crew will show up in College Station, so the excitement for this game will be tremendous. The atmosphere will be great, unlike the previous week’s game, and, if you are in town, you’ll start to feel the buzz on Tuesday or Wednesday.

Let’s take a look at Nebraska. Nebraska is about to become the worst academic institution in the Big 10. The Cornhuskers didn’t like being second best. In the Big 12 they were the second worst academic institution behind Texas Tech. As far as football goes, they’ve been average at best in the Big 12 since the first couple of years. Last year, they made the title game with a pathetic offense and beat Texas, but Big 12 officials determined that Texas should win so they gave Nebraska the loss. After that game, Tom Osborne really screwed Missouri by going to the Big 10 and leaving Missouri without a conference. Fortunately for the Tigers, the Texas Aggies decided not to go the Pac 10, so the Big 12 is not in its final season. Missouri might get lucky and go to the SEC with Texas A&M in two years.

Nebraska is a dying state. With the recent findings that ethanol is more of a strain on our economy than just buying more oil from our enemies and the fact that high fructose corn syrup will soon be made illegal in the United States, Nebraska no longer has anything to offer our country. Their football program has shown a little bit of a spark in the last two years, but it will never be in the hunt for national championships again, as evidenced by the Huskers almost losing to Iowa State for the second year in a row. Iowa State, despite being the second school of choice in Iowa, is a better academic institution than Nebraska and, frankly, has more to offer any conference than Nebraska.

The Nebraska academic research team is controlled by Tom Osborne, a man of low principles, a man that made a habit of not suspending players that tried to murder their girlfriends during the season. (See: Lawrence Phillips) Since ethanol and high fructose corn syrup are products that actually harm our country, Tom Osborne has put the Nebraska research staff to work proving corn is actually valuable to the United States. Since corn has no nutritional value, and no real beneficiary uses outside of deer corn, and even that is debatable, those Nebraskans have come up with some wild theories on why corn should be in demand in our country.

These researchers have not found any solid uses for corn as of yet. So, under Tom Osborne’s insistence that they release some findings, Nebraska researchers are now promoting the human centipede as a viable alternative to marriage. The bonuses to Nebraskans are that these human centipedes would probably function best on a corn based diet. Some of the shit coming from the third rectum would still have intact corn kernels, so the second and third centipedes would get to digest some pure corn in this scenario. While other universities scoff at this research, Nebraska officials and Tom Osborne support these ridiculous findings.

The messages are out there. Nebraska is fading as a dominant football team. As a university they are just a tick above Texas Tech, which has lost its accreditation. The state of Nebraska as a whole has no major metropolitan areas and is dedicated to growing a crop that will soon be illegal. Their football team should have some fight, knowing they are the last gasp, the end of the road, the last thing that gives the state its pride, but the Aggies, in a strong part of the country, with an excellent academic reputation, should send the Cornhuskers back to their barren wasteland as losers.

My final score prediction this week:
Texas A&M 42
Baylor 20


3 comments on “Deathburger’s Texas A&M vs Baylor Preview

    • Thanks for all that you do Mr. Deathburger. That was an excellent preview of the game.

      If the Aggies hadn’t felt bad for Baylor and decided not to score at the end of both halves, your prediction would have been spot on.

      Keep up the good work.

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