Tour of Nebraska

Nebraska is such a great state. The people there are always so nice and accommodating, and the scenery is incredible. There are fewer things you can do in the entire United States of America as rewarding as taking a visit to the great state of Nebraska.

One of the things we are asked on a regular basis is, “HSJ, Why do you guys hate everything not associated with Texas A&M University?” Well, that’s a good question. The truth is that all things associated with Texas A&M are, by default, better than everything else, and that’s scientifically proven. However, there is one thing that A&M lacks, and that’s the fact that there is no direct tie to Nebraska other than sports.

We recently all got together here at HSJ Central and decided to pay homage to this wonderful state, her citizens, and of course, the fans of the great Nebraska University in Lincoln. What better way to do it than to give our valued members a pictorial tour so you know what you are missing?

We respect you here at HSJ, Nebraska, and hope you accept this loving gift as a token of our appreciation for being so grand. You’re welcome.

And on with the show…

The HSJ Definitive Guide to All Things Nebraska


People

The people of Nebraska are good, solid folks. They like to eat a lot of corn, which is one of the most non-nutritional food items on the planet outside of canned air that you use to blow out your computer keyboard. They like corn so much they embrace it as the mascot of their favorite college team, which is a testament to corn but also that there aren’t any other sports teams (professional or collegiate) to follow.

If we trace the roots of human evolution back far enough, we can actually find an early ancestor that explains the proclivity of Nebraskans. Illustrated here, you see that even as far back as dinosaur days, Nebraskans were curious about wildlife and learned out to whack things with bones they found on the ground in order to make sweet corn love to them.  Since then, they have evolved to the point where they whack their women in the face with their fists and then drag them down stairs by the hair.

Present-day Nebraskans enjoy relaxing days with each other, much like Mexicans enjoy the tradition siesta. With so much to do in the state, it’s no wonder people get exhausted and require so much rest. Here we see a common Nebraska “siesta” as people get ready for the next home game in Lincoln.

Architecture

Nebraska is world-reknowned for its diverse and creative building style. Compared by some experts to structures in Rome or Greece, the architecture of Nebraksa is an artform. Here you see a typical nebraska office building as a sign of thriving commerce in the state:


Shunning modern amenities such as composite shingles or insulation, the typical Nebraksa residence often has a detached garage:


Nebraskans are naturally resourceful, turning all kinds of crazy shit into places to live:


Finally, we see the picturesque scenery of Nebraska with natural landscaping:


Religion

Nebraskans are very spiritual and love to exercise their right to free religion. Here we see a typical Nebraskan church service:

 

Landscape

Of course, the first thing you’ll notice when you enter the state is how diverse and beautiful the landscape is. Every single mile looks different than the previous. Here are some examples of all the diversity you’ll experience on your tour thru Nebraska:

Looks so warm and inviting.

This is a high school football field.

Hay! How fun does that look? Your kids will have fun for hours on end playing in snow and dead grass balled up into a tight bunch. No worries about snakes when the temperatures don’t get above 25 degrees for weeks at a time.

Cuisine

Nebraskans love their food, and the types of food you get in Nebraska are so different than anything else you’ll find anywhere else in the world. Nebraskans eat a lot of hamburgers and chicken strips, however chickens have a hard time surviving the six months of each year that the state is covered in ice and snow. Here we see a typical Nebraska dining experience.

Don’t forget the beer! LOL!

Recreation

When you think of Nebraska, what’s the first thing that pops in your head? Fun/freedom/sodomy? Fact is that Nebraska combines all of that stuff together into their state motto:

Ah, yes. The GOOD life. Nothing says “Good Life” quite like a trip to Nebraska. Don’t forget…Nebraska is home of Arbor Day, and entire holiday devoted to trees of no specific order, dead or alive.

On warm, pleasant days during the months of July or August (only), you can take a walk thru scenic, bucolic Nebraska enjoying the ability to see miles and miles in front of you without any sort of impeding structure or tree.

Another thing that Nebraskan like to do is work feverishly on putting out ethanol refinery fires, which happen quite often on purpose as citizens blow them up to keep warm in the bitter ½ of the year when snow covers the ground.

Sports

Of course, the thing that really sets Nebraska apart from other states is their college football. There aren’t many states that would be so close to their favorite son and football coach that they would end up electing him to office no more than a decade after they fired his ass. Of course, most football coaches wouldn’t run a third-rate criminal program where players are allowed to beat women and drag them down stairs by their hair and then get to play that same week, but Nebraska is different. The spirit they have is second-to-none. They exude class in every facet possible(of course, other than allowing criminals and miscreants to play on their football program and not enforcing academic standards, making it possible for illiterates to pass through seamlessly with a college diploma).  Nebraska University (or “Noo” as the locals call it) purport that Memorial Stadium in Lincoln becomes the third most populous city in the state when they have a home game, which says alot about their fans but says even more about the state of Nebraska.

Nebraskans are manly. Here is a shot of their manly mascot thing that creeps the hell out of all non-pedophile humans:

They call that thing “Lil’ Red”. The arms are tied down and the person inside makes it bounce. It’s fucking creepy as fuck. Gawdamn, that makes me want to puke just looking at it. Here’s another mascot thing they like to use:

In an attempt to creep people out even further, they trot this dumb son of a bitch out. I’m not even sure it’s a guy in the suit. Jesus have mercy, that’s dumb.

Of course, what college football experience would be complete without tailgaters and coed girls ready to blow someone. Nebraska has tons of both. Here we see a Nebraskan tailgate. Notice there are no tan lines on any of the three as the preferred look is pasty white. These girls are rather thin for a typical Nebraskan, which leads us to believe they are probably from Missouri and couldn’t get into a school there.

In conclusion, we here at HSJ feel that Nebraska should be next on your list of places you want to visit. Hell, check it out for living there as well. As a Texas Aggie, you are sure to exceed the average IQ by almost double. Everyone is a fan of Nebraska.

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