Stuff Aggies Should Know

As Aggies, we have a duty to the general public to be shining examples of how to live and for children to pattern themselves after. We are the most honest people in the world, and our traditions run so deep that all of college football looks to A&M as an example of what they strive to be.

Our annual game with our sisters over in Austin is the greatest rivalry in all of college sports. Although dominated by Texas in periods that skew the overall record to almost a 2:1 ratio, since 1965 the series record tilts to the Longhorns’ favor by only a margin of 26-19. That’s notable since before that date, all students at A&M had to be members of the Corps of Cadets while Texas could fill its roster with non-patriotic individuals just looking for a scholarship and for the biggest gathering of loose women on the planet.

This game, historically, makes or breaks the season for either team. Both play the role of “spoiler” when the other is having a good season, and even the last Southwest Conference Championship was decided by this game (in 1995). Regardless of the hype that the OU/Texas game gets, this is the true rivalry of the South, the game where in-state hatred boils over and bragging rights for the entire great state of Texas (which also owns the greatest state flag in the union) get hacked out by this game.

However, Ags, there are a few things we need to discuss. As a new breed of Aggies make their way thru the annals of Aggieland, we need to tighten up a few of our traditions and make sure we are all on the same page. These time-honored traditions must be adhered to without exception, so let’s all take the time to review, pass these guidelines to our fellow Ags, and let’s all make sure we get these details correct.

  1. Aggie War Hymn’s First Verse

    There are multiple issues to address here, so let’s start with the song itself. Sometime in the 70’s or 80’s, a group of lazy Aggies decided to drop the first and most important verse of our War Hymn. For years, a few rogue Ags have tried desperately to get those around them to sing the damn song right instead of singing the second verse twice (“Goodbye to texas university…” regardless of who we are playing). Now, I have no problem at all with expressing hatred for the common t-sip, but let’s not forsake our brethren for multiple mentions of the lowly sips. Fortunately, there’s a grassroots campaign to get Ags to sing the correct first verse instead of the second one twice. Learn it and sing it, starting immediately:

     All hail to dear old Texas A&M

    Rally around Maroon and White

    Good luck to dear old Texas Aggies

    They are the boys who show the real old fight

    That good old Aggie Spirit thrills us

    And makes us yell and yell and yell (and don’t scream “sounds like hell”)

    So, let’s fight for dear old Texas A&M

    We’re gonna beat you all to…

     

  2. Aggie War Hymn’s lyrics    

    Ok, this is one of the biggest issues we have, Ags. Specifically when we get to this part of the song. The correct lyrics after the above verse are:

    Chigaroogarem, chigaroogarem

    Rough, Tough

    Real Stuff

    Texas A&M

    Issue #1: It’s “chiga-ROO-garem”, not “chiga-rigga-rim”. What does it mean? Fuck, I don’t know. But say it right.

    Issue #2: It’s “Rough TOUGH Real Stuff”, not “Rough stuff, Real stuff”. Everytime I heard someone say “Rough stuff”, I want to rip their esophagus out like Dalton in Roadhouse. It’s like when a kid says, “gots” instead of “has”.   “Who has the ball?”   “Jeff gots it.”    Christ almighty, Ags, get it right. And if you hear anyone beside you say “Rough stuff”, make sure you correct them. Keep a copy of this article in your pocket to show them just in case.

  3. Aggie War Hymn’s reprise    

    I know we are spending a lot of time on the song up front, but it’s important enough to spend time on. There’s a little tune at the end of the War Hymn that has words, and people either don’t know them or don’t even know that you are supposed to sing to it. The reprise is called “Hot Time”, and the word go like this:

    Late one night while the t-sips were in bed

    Ol’ Sul Ross put a lantern in the shed

    The Aggie kicked it over, and he winked and then he said,

    “It’ll be a hot time in Austin tonight”.

  4. Referring to our rival

     This is a tough one for people to get right because in addition to being so great, we are also extremely courteous. The correct term for that small secular school over in Austin is “t.u.” or “texas university”. The lack of capitalization is for fun, but the school was originally called “texas university”. Since Texas A&M was born a half decade before t.u. as the state’s first institute of higher learning, we often joke that we are, in fact, the “university of Texas”. Now, if you don’t want to sound childish (which saying “t.u.” can often do), you can say “Texas” and even capitalize it. However, under no circumstance should you ever use “UT” or “University of Texas” in reference to that school. Bad Ags.  

  5. Referencing your rivals    

    In addition, when referring to individuals who made the ungodly decision to attend that school, you should primarily call them “t-sips” or just “sips”. It is acceptable to refer to them as “Longhorns” like the emasculated beast they worship, however under NO circumstance should you ever refer to them as “Horns”. The only exception to this rule is in print, where you can use the homonym “whorns”.

  6. Standing for the games    

     You stand up for the gawdamn games, especially if you are a student. If your city slicker girlfriend can’t handle the heat, tell her to mix in a trip to the gym and the sauna to prepare. If you have to sit down during a game…well, let’s just hope you don’t sit next to a good Ag. You are 20 years old…why are you so out of shape that you can’t stand up for three hours straight?  

  7. “Fight ’em” yell    

     This is the yell where we spell out the word “Aggies”. Sometime in the 90’s, Aggies started drawing out the S at the end to sound like a Horse’s Laugh. Don’t do that.  

  8. Usage of “Sit down, bus driver!” yell

     This is directed at the Yell Leaders. Do this yell more often. You guys are turning into panty-waste cheerleaders. Set yourselves apart and bring some anger back to the crowd unless you want us to get some hot splittails out there during timeouts. Anytime someone is proven wrong in your day-to-day life outside of a football game, you should say this to them as well. This needs to be a resurrected tradition of ours, much like “Pick it up” or “rest”.

  9. Claims of being obsessed with sips from sips

Your common lowly t-sip will try to tell you that Aggies are obsessed with them and all our traditions center around them, while they don’t really care about A&M.  The truth is that their sissy fight song references Texas A&M (“and it’s goodbye to A&M”), and they even have a satanic ritual held every year on campus before the A&M game (called a “hex rally“) where they sacrifice animals and then have a full-on homosexual only blood orgy afterwards.  Don’t hold it against ’em…t-sips are liars by their nature and simply can’t help it. 

10.  Singing to the sip song

The sip band will play incessantly during the game in attempts to drive everyone fucking crazy with their stupid songs, however there is a song they play that you can sing along to.  It goes a-like this:

texas bites, texas bites

texas, jump up and bite my ass.

texas bites, texas bites

texas, jump up and bite my ass

texas bites, texas bites

texas, jump up and bite my ass

B-I-T-E A-S-S

texas, jump up and bite my ass

We hope this helps you and others around you this holiday season.  Remember, being an Aggie is something you can’t explain from the inside and can’t understand from the outside.  Most of all, Ags, be safe this Thanksgiving season and Beat the Hell Outta t.u.

 

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One comment on “Stuff Aggies Should Know

  1. “Although dominated by Texas in periods that skew the overall record to almost a 2:1 ratio, since 1965 the series record tilts to the Longhorns’ favor by only a margin of 26-19. ”

    But then there goes A&M’s only national title, it’s only Heisman Trophy, and it’s only two top-5 finishes.

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